Melancholy Monday

This is my sixth Monday since the layoff.

I woke up feeling empty and lost - again. I though I was over this phase... But I started thinking about work and the ladies who are still there. I know today is a heavy workload, being the Monday after the 10th of the month. I started wondering who was doing which tasks - Are they overwhelmed? Are they having a hard time juggling priorities? Is someone doing my old tasks - and are they doing them well? Will the work be done on time? Which deadlines will slip? etc, etc, etc.....

I had thought I was past this phase - but then I recall some old psychology class lesson on the impact of "life-changing situations," including death in the family, moving, and job loss/change. The full impact is sometimes not felt for 6 months. Your mind stays in a state of shock so that the person can continue to function while gradually absorbing the impact of the "life change." I sure don't want to feel this way for 6 months!

Focusing on the positive has got to become a standard practice for me again! I have to take charge of my situation - I can't keep wallowing in self-pity and self-aggrandizement. (Of course, the office will do fine. Nobody is indispensable. I was not the only one there who was capable of excellence...) Pulling myself up by the bootstraps has to become a daily workout! I will get through this and come out a better person with more appreciation for al the wonderful gifts God has given me in this life, and not worry about those that have been lost. Even the things in my past have given me lessons and memories that will last a lifetime! Looking for the silver lining has got to become second-nature for me.

Then - out of the blue - my younger son called from Dallas... Yes, Dallas! He has been on deployment in Afghanistan, and we knew he was due to have leave this month, but did not know the exact dates. He will be home today! We will get him for two weeks before he has to go back - it will be a joyous time for sure. And a little difficult too. I have been handling his finances in his absence, and I have got to make him understand how broke he really is. My boys both have a really difficult time comprehending finances. They both crave instant gratification, and will spend every penny in their pocket without regard to upcoming bills. It's a really difficult lesson for them - especially since the poor impulse control they have is directly tied to their ADHD. Still, today will be a good day after all!